Oh my god, look at me scheduling a post so it’s published at the right time today, I’m so proud of myself!
Yesterday I wrote a post ranting about magazines and how poisonous and unhealthy they were for teens to be reading, if you haven’t read it, one of the things I commented on was it’s portrayal of ‘love’ and relationships, advertising love as the solution to everything. We also see this in books and films where no matter what the subject matter is there is always a romantic interest (or two!) and don’t get me wrong I love romantic comedies and books or films where you’re always rooting for a particular couple to end up together *coughs, Chuck and Blair* and some good old conflict over a girl e.g. Damon and Stefan Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries but it’s not necessary to be in a relationship all the time and all this rubbish about ‘the one’, maybe it’s not rubbish maybe there really is a ‘one’ but getting it into young people’s minds that there is ‘the one’ out there somewhere waiting for you can get in the way of you getting on with your life.
The truth is, I don’t know what love is, I don’t even know if it exists. Yes, you can care deeply about someone and not want them to leave your life or ever come to any harm but how does one know if they’re ‘in love’? Has anyone ever been ‘in love’?
I’m going to share quite a personal thing with you, when I was younger and we’re talking between 9 and 11 sort of age there was this guy that I really cared about and I thought he really cared about me, and I had the feelings and emotions described with being ‘in love’ and so I believed that I was ‘in love’ with him. We were constantly texting and stayed up late to do so and I really cared for him and had the kind of stupid fantasies young people have about going on romantic dates and getting married and then we stopped contacting each other and I really missed him and then one day I sent him a text telling him how much I loved him and he ignored me and it really hurt and upset me. Obviously I was about 11 or 12 so what did I know. Sometimes I think maybe I was ‘in love’ with him but then I realise how ridiculous that is, how can I have been in love at the age of 11? But how does one tell when they’re ‘in love’, say in three years time I meet someone and really like them does that mean I’m ‘in love’? Or just that I really care about that person?
The point behind this post is that in TV and books we see and read about teenagers falling ‘in love’ and finding ‘the one’ but that puts loads of pressure on us to be in relationships from a young age and I think it’s so ridiculous. Being in a relationship – I have realised recently – is very much a mature thing and it’s about compromise and support not just someone who shares the same interests as you that you hold hands, cuddle, kiss and maybe even have sex with and at a young age we don’t know how to be in a proper relationship but that’s partly because true relationships aren’t portrayed properly in TV or books, it’s all about the romantic gestures and if the person you’re going out with even hides their phone screen from you that must mean they’re cheating… where is the logic in that? And all these things where people break up with the person they supposedly ‘love’ without even asking them for the truth or their side of the story and when they do ask them they don’t respect them, they still claim they’re lying even though the person they ‘love’ guarantees they’re telling the truth. It’s so stupid.
I’ve known quite a few people in my life that are either really young and having boyfriends/girlfriends and kissing them secretly and I think it’s so sad that they’re doing that because they’re doing it in an immature way rather than in a mature grown-up way and I don’t know if this is because of the media but I think the person that you experience your first kiss with has to be someone that really means something to you, that you can see yourself having a future with and younger people can’t imagine things in that level of detail properly, they won’t remain close to that person forever and to have such an important moment in your life taken away from you because of the expectations put on people by peers and the media is just heart-breaking. I used to know this girl that went through boyfriend after boyfriend and sometimes she broke up with her current boyfriend because there was a new boy she found more appealing and she wouldn’t even be subtle about it, she would just break up with her current boyfriend and within a few hours would be kissing the new boyfriend and it was so ridiculous and she clearly didn’t actually value any of the boys she was with or her relationships with them which was really depressing and she obviously was never happy with any of them but she just did it because she thought that it was important for a girl of her age to have a boyfriend but of course it wasn’t and she’ll probably grow up regretting quite a few of her actions but it’s not necessarily her fault; it’s the fault of the media portraying this as what people should aspire and aim for in life and it’s just not true. I knew another person who spoke about running away with this guy she was ‘in love’ with because she wanted to be with him but because he was older she couldn’t be with him around her family or friends and she thought this guy really cared about her and was going to wait for her but then he ended up getting married to his ex instead and she was really sad and she had been tricked into this illusion that he really cared for her when they were both too young to know what really caring for someone meant.
I’ve wanted a boyfriend for so long and I imagine and fantasise about how great my life will be and how happy I’ll be when I finally have a boyfriend to watch horror movies with and to borrow baggy clothes off of and to proudly take to events with me but am I really ready for a relationship? Do I even know how to properly be in a relationship? When I do have my first relationship will it meet my Hollywood movie expectations? I guess one day we’ll find out.
I hope you enjoyed this post, sorry if it felt a bit pointless! If you did enjoy it please give it a like and follow me (if you already are then thank you so much!). Leave any comments either agreeing or arguing against the point I made or commenting on your own experience with relationships etc.
Lastly, if you have any ideas for tags, challenges, series or posts you would like to see me do please suggest them in the comments, via twitter or e-mail them to me – firstname.lastname@example.org
That’s all for now!
Inspired Teen 🙂