Hey guys, sorry that I didn’t post a proper post yesterday but obviously I explained the reason why in this post – Life Got In The Way, anyway, I’m back now to write another hopefully inspiring and interesting post for you all!
Let’s get into it!
I would like to talk about being shy and not feeling like you can talk to people easily and as a result of that things feeling awkward when you’re in social situations. To all of you reading this I probably sound like quite a talkative and enthusiastic person but in real life I’m both like that and I’m not. When I’m with my family and closest friends I am very happy and over-enthusiastic and I really don’t mind what I say in front of them because I know they won’t judge me or take certain things too seriously, when I’m at a social group such as drama for instance I am a very quiet, sit-in-the-corner kind of person. Obviously I try and look at my phone to makes things feel less awkward but it doesn’t actually help me feel any better.
The worst thing is I feel like myself trapped inside the body of another me that has lost the ability to speak and I’ve got all these things I want to say building up inside me and I desperately want to talk to people and be friends with them but I just can’t get any words to come out of my mouth to actually start a conversation. I guess the main thing is I have this fear of being boring or people not really understanding where I’m coming from or not liking me and then having to try and avoid me without making it too obvious or something. I don’t feel like I’m a very interesting person in reality, I say all these cool things on my blog and they are true I’ m not trying to pretend to be someone I’m not on here – in fact quite the opposite I use this place as a way of truly being me – but in reality I don’t really talk about all these issues that I discuss with you because they can lead to arguments or people think you’re weird for thinking about particular things or they start to worry about you and stuff like that and so I say other things but I feel like those other things are much less interesting than the things I really want to talk about but don’t really know how.
I also think that people don’t approach me because maybe I come across as rude or antisocial I guess but I don’t mean to be, I think my body posture is very much kind of inward, like I cross my arms and legs all the time and I don’t ever really specifically look at people I kind of look down at my lap the entire time but that’s because I don’t want people looking at me and thinking I’m weird because I’m looking at them or something but then I’m aware that maybe I’m coming across as antisocial and people feel they can’t really approach me and it’s just so horrible being so awkward in situations. The most annoying thing is it doesn’t happen all the time no matter where I am, in certain environments excluding around my family I’m more like my usual self as well and it just frustrates me that I can’t be like that the whole time. For example, when I’m at work I am much more sociable with the rest of the staff there and I can have really long conversations with them but at my drama group I can’t have really long conversations with anyone.
I sometimes get that feeling where people pretend to be your friend but then when it finally comes down to it they don’t really want to put that much effort into it, for my birthday last year I had some friends that I didn’t know all that well over but I knew they got on well together so I thought it would be fun and give us all a chance to get to know each other a bit more but it was actually really awkward and I didn’t feel like they actually had all that much interest in me which absolutely sucked and I was just left feeling kind of left out on my own birthday so I guess they didn’t really want to be friends with me other than in the context of the activity we all attended which is fine, I guess, but it would have been nice if they had just been straight with me. I don’t know. I just hate having fake friends because then it’s just really annoying and disappointing and you don’t know whether to text them and try and start a proper friendship or just to leave it and just talk to them in the right context. I feel like I am always losing my best friends and it’s always because they’ve lost interest in me rather than the other way round and it always makes me feel bad for not being more interesting or not being able to talk about more things because I’m not actually that smart.
This seems to have turned into a really depressing post but I didn’t actually mean for it to I just thought it was a nice relatable post that everyone has some experience in and it would help people realise that they aren’t alone in how they’re feeling and that everyone feels this way sometimes. Maybe it’s a teenager thing? Let me know if you think it’s a teenage thing in the comments!
Please let me know in the comments if you too experience the same kind of shy/awkwardness that I have been discussing in this post as it’s always great to know that I’m not alone! Also, if you have any tips on how to start conversations with people or just how to make things seem less awkward then please let me know in the comments as I would love and probably use any advice that you give me!
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That’s all for now!
Inspired Teen 🙂