Hey guys, I’m feeling so positive and motivated so far this month. Yesterday I did loads of studying – from 10am until 6:30 pm with a break of about an hour and a half and today I’ve been studying since 10 and am now on my designated ‘lunch break’ but today I plan to study until 7. I decided to take my ‘lunch break’ as my time to write this blog post for you guys as I didn’t do it this morning when I woke up and don’t want to be publishing a post as late as when I finish studying.
Today’s post is going to be about my hopes for 2017. Not my goals or my achievements but my hopes, for both myself and for the world.
One of my biggest hopes for the year is that all the terrible political things that happened last year don’t terribly affect us this year, I don’t think there was a single political thing that happened last year that I actually agreed with and I hate the fact that so much was decided about my future and the future of all young people without the consent of those young people. I hate that I can’t vote when so much of politics is based around young people’s futures. I remember when the conservatives decided that you had to pay for a university education, I was really young and my level of political understanding was very limited yet looking back on it now I remember seeing it on the news and asking my Mum about it, to explain why it was such a big deal when I didn’t understand it, I remember once I understood filling with this sense of dread that I didn’t understand, I felt like my future had been destroyed at a time when I hadn’t even planned what GCSEs I was doing – I hadn’t even considered that I was going to be sitting GCSEs because I was too young, yet, with one terrible action, the conservatives filled this young girl with a sense of dread that she didn’t even understand about her future. I hate that they have so much power over me and I’m not even considered old enough to make decisions on my own future’s behalf. I know that this year a lot of political things are going to be happening, lots of things will change and I know we’re going to start to see the affects of that this year, I only hope that they don’t destroy my life any more than they already have.
I hope that I settle into sixth form okay, I haven’t been offered a place yet but if I do, I’m hoping that I settle in okay and make friends there. One of the things I hate most about growing up is having to make all of these choices and not really knowing what they’re going to be like. I know that when you’re growing up everyone has to make tough decisions, decide whether to stay on at the school they’re at, move to a new school, go to college or quit school altogether – for me though, it feels even more uncertain because I’ve never been to school. Never once set foot in a school hallway during school time. Of course I have activities that take place in schools and I’ve been to open days but I have no concept properly of what a school day is actually like; although I’m trying to come up with a study schedule that is a lot like a school day so I’m prepared. Because I’m unprepared for a school environment I can’t even properly say whether I’m making the right choice, and that terrifies me. I’m planning the next two years of my life on something I don’t even understand. I really hope I start at sixth form and it’s what I hope it’s going to be, I make friends and I get on well there. I hope that I get good grades and that the teachers like me and that nothing bad happens there. I hope that I haven’t condemned myself to something I’m going to hate for the next two years of my life.
I hope that I stay as close with my friends and family as I always have been and was last year, I hope that starting at school doesn’t lessen my friendship with my best friend or effect my relationship with my family. I hope that I gain more confidence in order to make new friends and feel better about myself and that my relationship with my family continues to improve.
I hope that I manage to get all of my studying done in time and get good grades. My grades are really important to me, I’m not someone who thinks that a person has no value if they can’t pass exams, I actually think they’re pretty stupid and don’t prove anything but at the same time for my own self-confidence and self-worth I need to prove to myself that I’m capable. I guess it’s because of society, I feel like if I can’t pass tests that the government claim prove my intelligence then I’m obviously not intelligent, which is ridiculous because I don’t think that about others. Anyway, I plan on studying really hard from this day onwards until the last day of my final GCSE and then I plan on having an absolutely fantastic summer before I start at my first ever school. But without the grades I can’t go to sixth form. As an aspiring actor I don’t actually need the academic ability and I could potentially just become a successful actor by going to auditions and getting parts etc. but at the same time, I’ve decided on the path I want to take to getting an acting career and that’s sixth form and then university and if I don’t get the grades although it’s not going to necessarily affect my career – it’s not like I want to be a doctor or mathematician – but I want have the education I planned on having.
My last hope for 2017 out of the list of my biggest hopes is that my acting continues to improve and I continue to gain confidence in my acting. Without sounding too big-headed I saw a great improvement in my acting last year, although I wasn’t getting any big parts I did get two of the most challenging parts I’ve ever had and they required a lot of confidence and acting as they weren’t personalities I’m familiar with and at first I wondered if I wouldn’t be able to do it because I was too self-conscious, but I managed it and I felt so good that I’d overcome my fear of looking silly, because at the end of the day, it’s not me, the person that the audience is seeing on stage is not me and they don’t know me. It doesn’t matter how silly they think I look, I’m never going to meet them in person and they’re not judging me because I’m not being me. Anyway, even if I don’t get any big parts I hope that I continue to improve my acting skills and getting challenging characters to play.
That’s all for this post, I hope you enjoyed it – if you did please give it a like! Do let me know your hopes for 2017 below, whether it’s personal hopes or hopes that stop the world from falling apart like it started to last year.
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Happy New Year!
Inspired Teen 🙂